Making my music shareable!

Posts tagged “religious

Sometimes, I wonder…

Note: This is actually a post I began 8/16, but then moving and trying to catch up got in the way…I’m now finishing it. ūüôā

Sometimes, I wonder if I look to God like my dog looks to me.

My dog loves to play. ¬†Not as in, “she doesn’t mind playing if I happen to decide to throw something for her,” but “she will spend half her day begging me to go outside so we can play.” ¬†If I would throw the ball all day, she would chase it all day, except for minimal breaks to catch her breath.

She’ll start around 10am, even though I took her for a walk at 5:30 and went out to play with her around 8am, after I got back from my bike ride, and even though we NEVER go outside to play again until after I finish lunch at around 12:30pm. ¬†She lays by the back door and whines every once in a while, gradually increasing in pitch and intensity until she yips and I scold her for barking in the house. ¬†If I’m upstairs, she’ll follow me into whatever room I’m in, lay down, and whine. ¬†She may come up to me and shove her head under my arm as if to say, “Aren’t I cute??” ¬†Finally, when the time rolls around, we play, and she flops down happily on the floor after we come back in.

Then around 1:30 or 2pm, she’ll start up again, even though we usually don’t go out again until my husband gets home around 4pm. ¬†Any time I make any move towards the back door on the bottom level, even if it is simply taking a step in the general direction of the stairs if I am upstairs, starting to stand up, or making a motion towards the back door if I am downstairs, she jumps up and runs eagerly to the back door. ¬†I may just be walking from the kitchen to the dining room or going downstairs to get the sponge I left down there, but because she wants so badly to play, she interprets anything I do as an indication that I am about to do what she wants. ¬†Why doesn’t she learn that there are certain times of day at which we will play, regardless of whether or not she has been whining the last two hours, and that there is no sense in getting herself over-excited during the time in between?

And then I wonder if God sees me and my antics that way.¬† I have my own ideas of what I would like my life to look like, what I’d like to be doing, and where I envision myself in a few years (in my dreams), but I want to follow His will for me…which I don’t know.¬† And so I watch for any little clues, any indicators that might suggest which way He wants me to turn, and jump at anything that looks like it is headed in the direction I want to go.¬† Whether or not His plans line up with that, I know He has a certain time at which He intends them to reach each point…and which may be later than when I’d like them to.¬† And yet I bounce around, trying to guess what I should be doing and where I am going, wanting it to happen NOW.¬†¬† I can’t seem to learn to wait until the time comes.¬†

I’m no better than my hyper puppy…


Undivided Heart

“Teach me your way, O LORD, and I will walk in ¬†your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. ¬†I will praise you, O Lord my God, with all my heart; I will glorify your name forever. ¬†For great is your love toward me; you have delivered me from the depths of the grave.” – Psalm 86:11-13, NIV

I like this passage. ¬†However, I didn’t exactly go hunting for it; it simply happened to be one of the Psalms I read the day I was on a “try to write lyrics by focusing on syllables-per-line count” kick. ¬†That was probably a couple months ago by now–I didn’t date it–but when I finished “Seeking God’s Peace” and therefore needed a set of lyrics so I could write a choral piece, I found it in my little notebook and decided the poem I’d written based on David’s prayer in Psalm 86 had potential.

Funny, isn’t it, how God arranges things to coincide? ¬†Leaving aside the length of time it’s taken me to finish this piece, what with other chores and such butting in and stealing my time to work on it, when I chose the lyrics, it was simply because they seemed like they flowed well and I thought I could write an effective choral work with them. ¬†There was no “I’m going through such-and-such a time and so I’ll really be able express what I’m feeling” reasoning behind it. ¬†The last few weeks, however, I have spent a lot of time in two minds–regarding a decision that isn’t exactly “spiritually” related, but in two minds, nonetheless–and the fact I was working on a song titled “Undivided Heart” seemed awfully ironic. ¬†And even as I would point out to myself that it was not a decision between the world and God, I would realize that in a way, it was–because whether or not I knew which one was which, ultimately, one choice was what I wanted, and the other choice was the one God wanted. ¬†I’m not saying that EVERY choice we make in life is a God-or-me choice–I’m pretty sure it isn’t going to wreck or even cause complications for God’s plan if I wear the green shirt today instead of the blue one, for example. ¬†However, this one is a little bigger than what clothes to wear and will definitely affect the specifics, at least, about how God will be able to use my husband and myself–even if I don’t think about it that way most of the time. ¬†So although from a slightly different angle than David’s original Psalm, this song became my own prayer as I worked the last couple weeks to craft music that would adequately express the words.

Personally, I like the result (although there were quite a few moments yesterday afternoon while making the mock-up when I definitely did not!).  I hope you do, too.

Check out the WAVE file here: Undivided Heart

And for those who like to see the music, the score is here: Undivided Heart


Cares of the world,
Cares of the spirit;
My heart is torn in two.
Both sets of cares
Call for my attention;
Which one do I choose?

Give me an undivided heart
That I might praise You, Lord;
A heart solely focused on You.
I’ll remember Your love,
Your unending grace;
Make my heart undivided towards You.

It’s so easy to focus
On what my eyes see
And forget there’s so much more above.
Lord, help me remember
What I see is not important
When compared to Your marvelous love!

Give me an undivided heart
That I might praise You, Lord.
A heart solely focused on You.
I’ll remember Your love,
Your unending grace.
Make my heart undivided towards You.

An undivided heart can praise You.

Psalm 40

My Sunday school class finished a study of the Psalms the week before last. ¬†A couple of months ago, we looked at Psalm 40, a beautiful Psalm about trusting God and His renewal and rescue from trouble. ¬†Around the same time, I was feeling bummed out, and the first several verses of this Psalm were very comforting. ¬†And what do you know, I happened to be at a point between compositions…so I decided to create a choral piece.

I actually started with a verse later in the Psalm to open it up–I think it makes the waiting on the Lord section that much more meaningful to hear first that yes, the psalmist is/was in some kind of trouble–he isn’t going on about God’s goodness during the happiest time in his life. ¬†God is faithful even during the storms of life.

PDF score: Psalm 40

Listen here


Be pleased, oh Lord, to save me;
Oh, Lord, come quickly to help me.
Be pleased, oh Lord, to save me;
Oh, Lord, come quickly to help me.

I waited on the Lord;
He turned to me.
I waited patiently on the Lord;
He turned and heard my cry!

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
Out of the mud and mire.
He set my feet upon a rock,
And gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
A hymn of praise to God.
Many will see and fear (many will see and fear),
Many will see and fear (many will see and fear),
Many will see and trust in the Lord.

May all who seek You rejoice, Lord.
May all who seek You rejoice and be glad in You.




The Blessedness of Not Knowing

The blessedness of not knowing
Would never have crossed my mind
As something incredibly desirable
Or even a blessing.

I like to know
I want to see
I feel safe with control.

But when all my supports disappear
And I find myself grasping at straws
Desperate for a rock to cling to
(Forget trying to stand),
I find great peace and freedom
In simply trusting my God
And relinquishing control,
Letting go of the need to know.

I cannot see tomorrow;
I cannot even see this afternoon
(Forget my whole future!)

Instead, I am learning to trust,
To simply trust God to show me the next step
Neither too soon, nor too late,
But in His perfect timing.

It is hard.  I want to see.

But my only hope is in trusting my Rock,
In surrendering my all to Him
In not trying to second-guess
But laying aside speculation
And asking Him for the grace
To be satisfied with my daily bread
And to follow my Shepherd
Like a gentle lamb,
My own desires laid aside.

Oh, how hard!  I want…

But I want Jesus
I tire of complacency
I want reality
I want to know
And I find what I want, ironically,
Through the blessedness of not knowing.


My next project is choral, so I need lyrics…lyrics…so I was looking through old poems to see if any of them could be adapted. ¬†Don’t know if I could make a song out of this one, but I like it. ūüôā

Cross Medley

As promised, I actually have an old piece to post! ¬†It’s actually a comparatively recent piece, having just been written near the end of 2010…but it’s not on this site yet. ūüôā

I chose this piece in honor of the season (we sang most of the songs in the medley at the Remembrance Service at church last night). ¬†Listening through it today to make sure I had the correct file (can’t find the exported .wav for some reason…), I’m not as pleased with it as I remember being when I wrote it. ¬†Probably has something to do with it being one of the pieces I wrote when I was rusty and trying to get myself back into both composing and creating mock-ups…Unfortunately, as expressed in my previous post, I can’t exactly go back into the mock-up right now and fix it, either, so we’ll just go with what I’ve got. ūüôā

Hymns included in the medley:
At the Cross
When I Survey
Lead Me to Calvary
The Old Rugged Cross

You can find the .mp3 here: Cross Medley

And here’s the PDF score:¬†Cross Medley

My Jesus, I Love Thee

I was sitting in church a few weeks ago, following the words in the hymnal because I had a sore throat and it hurt to sing, when we turned to “My Jesus, I Love Thee.”¬† I’ve always loved this hymn–the melody is lovely, and the words are earnest.¬† Yet as I listened to it, I realized how carefully one has to pay attention to the words on some verses to grasp their full meaning.¬† The melody and harmonization/accompaniment are the same on each take, but the thoughts behind them differ.¬† The rhythm of the melody is fine on some verses, but on others, it doesn’t emphasize the sentence structure very well, and meaning is lost if one is not carefully analyzing the words as one sings (or listens).¬† “Hmm,” I thought, “I should make a choral arrangement of this song.”

With this intent, I copied down all four verses on a piece of paper during the offertory, and on Monday morning, I began work on the quickest choral arrangement I’ve ever¬†written (since I have sooo many to compare it to…).¬† My goal was to fix the problems I had perceived as best as I could with an eight-voice choir and everything I ever learned in Dr. W’s classes about text painting, the memory of every nuance Mr. S ever insisted on¬†for the peformance of a¬†piece in Cathedral Choir,¬†and all the film music emoting and “timeless” techniques I learned at CCC.¬† The purpose of music, after all, is to express, and as both Dr. W and Mr. S were fond of reminding us in class and choir, the purpose of music melded to words is to express the meaning of the words more fully than the words can do by themselves.¬† The music should support the words and give life to them, not simply offer a pretty setting so a choir or congregation can happily sing them without processing them.

If you read the lyrics below, you’ll see that I ran two phrases together on the second verse.¬† That wasn’t a typo–since I chopped out two beats in the arrangement to make it more apparent that the two are part of the same thought, I couldn’t quite convince myself to separate them in lyric format just for the sake of tradition. ūüôā¬† I hope you enjoy the arrangement, performed by EWQLSO strings, which can be heard at this link (this is a newer version that what some of you may have been emailed): My Jesus, I Love Thee

Here’s the link to the .pdf score:¬†My Jesus I Love Thee


My Jesus, I love Thee, I know Thou art mine.
For Thee, all the follies of sin I resign.
My gracious Redeemer, my Savior, art Thou:
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now;
My Jesus, ’tis now.

I love Thee, Jesus, Savior.

I love Thee because Thou hast first loved me and purchased my pardon on Calvary’s tree.
I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow;
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.

I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death.
I will praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath.
I’ll say when the deathdew lies cold on my brow:
“If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.”

In mansions of glory and endless delight,
I’ll ever (ever) adore Thee (adore Thee) in Heaven so bright.
I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow:
“If ever I loved Thee, if ever I loved Thee,
If ever I loved Thee, my Jesus, ’tis now.”

New Piece: Prayer of the Broken

All right!¬† This piece has lyrics by a good friend from Uplift Mountain–she sent them to me about ten years ago, back before I knew anything about writing music, and I created a horrible arrangement for it.¬† Every once in a while ever since, I’ve tried to come up with a better setting (and failed miserably!), and I finally found one in December which I finished in January and of which I made a string mock-up this last week.¬† Here’s the link to the .wav audio:

Prayer of the Broken

And the link to the .pdf of the score:

Prayer of the Broken

Lyrics (tweaked slightly!):

Soli Deo Gloria, Soli Deo.
Soli Deo Gloria, Soli Deo.

Weary, worn, and heavy burdened,
My heart is sinking to the depths.
Tried and torn and ever-failing,
Oh, dear Savior, give me rest.

Raise me up on wings of eagles;
Plant Your joy inside my heart.
Give me peace, and give me comfort;
Restore Your hope unto my life.

Soli Deo Goria, Gloria.

I watch the days unfold before me,
Your ever-gracious gift to me.
Make me live out my salvation;
Give me strength to follow where You lead.

For my ways are wrong and often futile;
The steps I take lead me astray.
Reach down Your loving hand to guide me
And help me step by step (step by step), each slow step by step (step by step), to find the way.

Raise me up (for Your glory) on wings of eagles.
Plant Your joy (deep) inside my heart.
Prince of Peace and Lord of Comfort,
Restore Your hope (Your blessed hope) unto my life.

Make my life a sweet aroma;
I lay my life before Your throne.
Give me ears to hear Your wisdom, my King.
Your will alone, for Your glory, Your will alone, my King, be done!

For Your glory, Lord, Your glory! (Raise me up on wings of eagles)
Only for Your glory
For Your glory, Lord, Your glory! (Give me peace, and give me comfort)
For Your glory be all things.

Soli Deo Gloria (Make my life be)
Soli Deo Gloria (only for you)
Let me live
Soli Deo Gloria again.