Making my music shareable!

Lift Me Up (New song – finally!!)

Something about working full-time again has given me an excuse to not find a great deal of time for working on music. Despite the twinges of desperate longing when I hear beautiful music (Candlelight a few weeks ago, for instance – what, me cry while listening to Cathedral Choir? Never!!), I somehow have difficulty creating the time to craft beautiful music of my own. I think I’m just being lazy.

I actually began working on the lyrics for this piece over a year ago – probably around August/September 2012. I finished the score in June, and around July finally used the microphone my parents gave me last Christmas to record the voice part. I had the mock-up mostly finished in November, but only found the time this past weekend to sit down again to give it a “fresh” listening to see what else I needed to adjust before I could call it “finished.”

I sometimes feel like there are a lot of “perfect” people in church – or at least, a lot of people who seem that way to people who don’t know them intimately. It is easy to think that if all those “perfect” people in the congregation were to find out about one’s faults or struggles, they would instantly condemn the wayward soul as being out of touch in their walk with the Lord. Even if the pastor regularly makes the comment from the pulpit that the church is “a bunch of imperfect people serving a perfect God,” it seems like we don’t have very much opportunity to realize that this is true.

I’m not suggesting that we should air everybody’s secrets from the stage, and I get the “glorify God instead of our issues” concept. But at the same time, the Bible says that His strength is made perfect in our weaknesses, so would it not encourage others in pain to know that other people in church, other strong Christians, also suffer? To know that they have a relative in trouble that they want the church to pray for, or that they are struggling with depression, and to watch how they deal with that difficulty? To realize that it does not make one a “bad Christian” if one has troubles in this life, is sick, has times when it is hard to fight off doubts, sometimes has to struggle against sin (we do still have flesh, after all), or does not have a “perfect” life? To be aware of the depth at which a fellow Christian has been and from which God has rescued him, and take heart that if God was able to pull that person out of their troubles, He can do the same for them?

It annoys me when preachers or speakers or songwriters gloss over real struggles and make it seem as if it is the simplest thing in the world to simply “call on the name of Jesus” and have everything be set right. Even if they claim to have been depressed like David, if they make light of it, how is someone going through a similar circumstance to believe that that speaker really understands what it is like to be in an emotional black hole, and thus believe that it really is possible to be set free from it like the speaker was? I don’t think we should glorify our problems, but does it not glorify God the more to acknowledge just how much He has done by admitting how bad the problems were that He was able to overcome anyway?

I didn’t want to write this song. Even though the lyrics are essentially lots of snippets from the Psalms, slightly modified to fit and interspersed with a few additional lines, it feels far too revealing to share. At the same time, though, that was part of what I felt was the reason God was asking me to write it. To admit the pain I’ve felt, to bring the listener into the reality of where I’ve been, and my attempts at getting out; to let others know they are not alone. Unlike a normal “Christian” song, it never really resolves itself; the trouble isn’t over when the song is. Instead of saying, “I’ve been there and I’m fine now, so buck up, shut up, and shape up; you wouldn’t be having trouble if you were right with God,” the idea is to say, I’ve been there; I know what it feels like; so let me cry with you, and then let me tell you what God has done for me. Facing trouble and being broken does not by default mean that your relationship with God is also broken, and I believe there is a verse somewhere about sharing each other’s burdens…

Lift Me Up WAVE

Lift Me Up PDF

My God, my God,
Why have You forsaken me?

I cry out to you
I used to lift my eyes
But I can’t lift them anymore

I am lonely when not alone
My heart is troubled
When nothing’s wrong
All is darkness within my mind
Free me from my anguish;
Free me from my anguish, Lord!

I laugh and start to cry
I’m sad and don’t know why!
My joy is turned to gloom.
Lord, free me from my anguish.
Free me from my anguish.

To You, O my Lord,
I lift up my soul!
In You, my God,
I will put my trust.
You are my God and my Savior
You are my hope;
Help me find hope.

Turn to me and be gracious to me
For I am lonely and afflicted;
My head pulled down in despair.
The darkness opens up before me;
It seeks to pull me in.
Lord, free me from my anguish.

To You, O Lord,
I lift up my soul.
In You, my God,
I will put my trust.
You are my God, and my Savior as well.
You are my hope;
Help me find hope.

Lift my eyes up to You.
Oh, lift me up,
Lift my eyes up.
Lift me up!
Help me praise You,
Help me thank You,
For all You’ve done
And have yet to do.
Lift my eyes.

Free me from myself!
From myself…

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