Sometimes, I wonder…
Note: This is actually a post I began 8/16, but then moving and trying to catch up got in the way…I’m now finishing it. 🙂
Sometimes, I wonder if I look to God like my dog looks to me.
My dog loves to play. Not as in, “she doesn’t mind playing if I happen to decide to throw something for her,” but “she will spend half her day begging me to go outside so we can play.” If I would throw the ball all day, she would chase it all day, except for minimal breaks to catch her breath.
She’ll start around 10am, even though I took her for a walk at 5:30 and went out to play with her around 8am, after I got back from my bike ride, and even though we NEVER go outside to play again until after I finish lunch at around 12:30pm. She lays by the back door and whines every once in a while, gradually increasing in pitch and intensity until she yips and I scold her for barking in the house. If I’m upstairs, she’ll follow me into whatever room I’m in, lay down, and whine. She may come up to me and shove her head under my arm as if to say, “Aren’t I cute??” Finally, when the time rolls around, we play, and she flops down happily on the floor after we come back in.
Then around 1:30 or 2pm, she’ll start up again, even though we usually don’t go out again until my husband gets home around 4pm. Any time I make any move towards the back door on the bottom level, even if it is simply taking a step in the general direction of the stairs if I am upstairs, starting to stand up, or making a motion towards the back door if I am downstairs, she jumps up and runs eagerly to the back door. I may just be walking from the kitchen to the dining room or going downstairs to get the sponge I left down there, but because she wants so badly to play, she interprets anything I do as an indication that I am about to do what she wants. Why doesn’t she learn that there are certain times of day at which we will play, regardless of whether or not she has been whining the last two hours, and that there is no sense in getting herself over-excited during the time in between?
And then I wonder if God sees me and my antics that way. I have my own ideas of what I would like my life to look like, what I’d like to be doing, and where I envision myself in a few years (in my dreams), but I want to follow His will for me…which I don’t know. And so I watch for any little clues, any indicators that might suggest which way He wants me to turn, and jump at anything that looks like it is headed in the direction I want to go. Whether or not His plans line up with that, I know He has a certain time at which He intends them to reach each point…and which may be later than when I’d like them to. And yet I bounce around, trying to guess what I should be doing and where I am going, wanting it to happen NOW. I can’t seem to learn to wait until the time comes.
I’m no better than my hyper puppy…